In a move considered all-too-typical in the Hansen home, John Hansen, age seven, hid his brother’s light under a bushel on Thursday night, then claimed to have forgotten where he placed it.
A subsequent family-wide search came up empty, leaving a lightless Eli Hansen, age four, crying until bedtime.
Questioned about the light’s disappearance from its accustomed place on the kitchen hutch with the candles, John initially shrugged his shoulders but also evinced a quick smirk, indicative of some sort of suppressed shenanigans. Pressed further, first by his mother and then in a session of tandem questioning involving a very stern-faced father, the boy confessed to the deed, but claimed to be at a loss as to where he placed the missing item.
“Johnny’s done some pretty rotten things to Eli over the last couple years,” said a frazzled Barbara Hansen, mother of three, “but we never thought we’d have to protect his light, of all things. We always left it burning brightly out in the open, usually on the candlestick or up on the hill behind the house.”
According to experts, the loss of one’s light for a prolonged period of time can lead to a loss of appetite as well as faith. Other symptoms include depression, contentious thoughts, selfishness, anger, and a sense of apathy toward the general plight of mankind.
“Eli is too young to let that happen to him,” said a worried Marvin Hansen, looking under the sofa cushions.
John, the oldest brother and consummate tease, is said to have lost some of his own light through frequent wrong choices and a boating accident, which may have led to the purposeful squelching of his younger brother’s brighter glow. It is also thought that John may have used his remaining light to start a fire last year that singed the living room curtains.
Dr. Henry Freedman, practicing clinician at the Center for the Spiritually Gifted at Cincinnati said, “We often see cases where one brother or sister may, upon observing the purity and wholesomeness emanating from another member of the family, grow envious and seek to either squelch that light or give that person a very large knuckle noogie, pinch, or Indian burn. This type of jealousy is especially common and acute when such a glow is noticeably more luminous in a younger sibling.
“I just hope that John will remember where he put it by the morning or we may have to restrict his Wii time,” said Mr. Hansen. We’ll just put the entire console over there under that bushel in the corner for at least a week.”